Catholics don’t know how good they got it. Sure, they got Heaven & Hell, but they also got:
Purgatory
Holy Water
Nuns
Crucifixes
Wine
Guilt
Confession
The Pope
And when small schools merge…
The Sacred Heart Holy Cross Mother Mary Crusader football team
We Methodists, we got nothing. We believe in the Book of Mundane, verse one, chapter one.
Catholics, on the other hand, are more conflicted. This could be because nuns are always whacking them in the knuckles with rulers. Even as adults, they’re called back to parochial school for refresher courses. Look out a window? WHACK! Leave an erasure mark? WHACK!
What I wouldn’t have given to be whacked just once by someone named Sister Beatrice. Maybe then I’d have bottled up feelings I could turn to verse. Maybe then I could write as good as a Catholic.
For now, I’m just a Methodist. What rhymes with ambivalent?