Smokers get a bad rap. Most people think smokers “have a filthy habit, drain our health care system, and deserve to die—as long as it’s a hundred yards from the hospital entrance.”
How come you’ve got so many coat hangers? Chances are you’ve never pondered such a weighty question. But think about it, has your wife ever said, “Please go to the store and pick up some milk, bread, and coat hangers?”
My neighbors have always asked me, “Jerry, how do you keep your lawn, garden, and landscaping so immaculate? It’s so green and lush!”
Ha! Ha! I’m lying. My neighbors have never said that.
After you pick yourself up off the floor because you fell asleep whilst reading it, you grab another book, this one called Forbidden Loins. You flip it open.
On the Stress-o-Meter of Life, buying and remodeling a new home ranks up there with an IRS audit, getting fired, or listening to William Shatner sing “Mr. Tambourine Man.”
Have you ever cut through the cosmetics section at Macy’s? You’ll know you’re in the vicinity when you spot Macy customers that have collapsed, clawing at their throats, gasping for air.