Have you ever done something so stupid you know your wife will hold it over your head forever? Liz and I recently took delivery on a new Subaru Outback. The first time I drove it, I took in the new-car smell, fiddled with some buttons, and cranked up the Sirius Radio. Then SMASHO! My outside rear-view mirror now hung by its umbilical cord, the victim of distracted driving and a too narrow garage door. Total distance traveled before I bashed in my new car: 11.3 feet, a new record.
It would have been no big deal if I had hit the garage with my trusty-not-so-rusty 1987 Suburban. But it doesn’t have exterior mirrors that warn me if I change lanes improperly, forget to use my blinker, or tell me the road is icy. I’ve got a wife for that. Plus she reminds of many other useful driving tips, such as when to turn left, when to turn right, and which parking spot to take.
High-tech mirrors come standard on most new cars. I checked the window sticker invoice. It confirmed my worst fear – that replacing it would cost an arm and a leg:
BASE PRICE: $16,670.00
Destination Charge 7,822.00
Dealer Prep 889.00
Dealer logo, affixed to vehicle 189.45
Labor for affixing dealer logo 99.89
Shipping & Handling 844.95
OUTSIDE MIRRORS: 12,349.99
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TOTAL COST: More than my first house
For the time being, just to be legal, I needed a mirror. I sprang into action by fetching my real-man tool box which is technically a shaving kit I keep on top of the washing machine. Let’ see, I’ve got a wrench, a hammer, a screwdriver with a little star on the end, and oh yeah, a roll of duct tape! That would do nicely. I went back to the garage and reattached my mirror, expertly winding the duct tape round and round to assure utmost structural integrity, functionality, and make my car look totally redneck.
I again backed out of the garage, this time without a mishap. Sooner or later, Liz was bound to notice the reattached mirror, in spite of the fact I had cleverly used white duct tape on the white car. But given time, I might luck out and never have to spend a dime to replace my mirror. I would simply allow time and future scratches and dents to render my damage invisible and unnoticeable.
I’d call that a plan, wouldn’t you?